I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
