Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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