I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
