Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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