I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
