You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
