shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Every concussion has its silver lining
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
