i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
