ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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