i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
