Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i think i just lost a toe
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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