I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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