Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize