Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
