if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
