One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
