there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Actions speak louder than pants.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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