Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
