Buhtt sex?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize