You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize