I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
