New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
