Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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