Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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