Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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