I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are these your boobs on my camera?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize