How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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