Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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