I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
