i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
