I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
