when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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