um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize