she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
