we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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