I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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