if i can run in heels then i can drive
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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