Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This house was built for laser tag.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
