Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
