I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
