She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
