Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize