he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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