I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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