No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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