the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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