i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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