your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
