We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize