I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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