yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
