I look better un-naked...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize