Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
