brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
