why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
