Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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