Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
