Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
