If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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