No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
