I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
