roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
