i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
