If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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