Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
