Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
