Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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