I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
