Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
