I just pynch a tree in the face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
