I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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