She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
