So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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