I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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