so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
