I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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