She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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