I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
