just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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