Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
not ubering you a puppy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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