guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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