OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
