I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
