nut hugger
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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