Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
