I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize